Ouch. My eyeballs hurt. And so does my brain. I think one or two of the synapses have extinguished themselves in protest at the amount of peering at computer screens I’ve done over the past few weeks while editing. Or, as I like to call it, trying-to-make-something-I-wrote-less-shit. But me and my first world problem will manage. Brains are totes over-rated I say. Some of the most powerful and famous people in the world don’t have them so I don’t see why it should be compulsory for me.
But one thing that is not over-rated is the amazeballs thing we call-
(Well thank you, yes, that was a seamless segue. I do agree.) But it’s TRUE. People are so bloody creatively talented, in so many different ways and this whole book-writing deal means I get to play in their sandpits every now and then. Until they inevitably drive me out with pitchforks and spitballs…
I mean, perhaps I can string a few words together and possibly form a story that won’t have people wanting to scratch their eyes out. We will find out for sure on 15th December when my little baby shoots out into the cruel, cruel world. Oh wait, was that a plug? Yup, I just plugged myself.
But point is (and god knows my editor has told me to stick to it) getting this book ready for launch has been rather eye-opening for many reasons. One thing that has been really interesting is discovering how utter crap I am at visualisation. Kinda weird I guess, considering I hope to create imaginary people and worlds for a living, but there you go. Take for example, designing a cover. I booked these guys, Deranged Doctor Designs to do the dirty work for me. And they dutifully sent me a creative brief to fill out. With my confounding literacy skills I told them I didn’t want a picture of the protaganist on the cover, that there is lots of blue and violet mentioned in the story and that there is a lot of mention of a thin armour called elthar. Armed with this detailed and intricate summary go forth and be AMAZING. Make me go –
with the final result. And don’t ask me any more questions cause I have no freekin clue what I actually want. Just do it.
Well, they did have a few more questions. Surprise, surprise. Like, what are you talking about crazy woman and can you be a little less vague. (Not in those exact words, but I’m guessing that’s what it sounded like before the email was written.) But I just truly had no clue. I knew that when I saw it I would know, but don’t ask me to know what it is before I see it. Okay? Got it?
Even with characters in my stories, I prowl the internet searching out pics of (usually) celebs that kind of capture the half-drawn watercolour in my mind’s eye. I do the same with location too. My mind’s eye needs glasses. Thankfully those glasses are attached to the faces of far more artistically endowed people than I. People who, I suspect, recoil at the approach of those such as myself. I wonder if the Visual Arts community has some kind of code, you know like they do in hospitals, so they can warn everyone without sending the public into a panicked meltdown. Code Kind-of-Bluish, this is a Code Kind-of-Bluish – Exercise extreme caution when questioning them about their own work and how they want it represented. May implode with indecision and lack-of-clueness.
I’m betting my website designer is putting this protocol into place as we speak. There’s another gem of the creative world – website design. I pity the poor fool who took me on, cause I’ll be damned if I know whether I want scrolling, clicking, landing page, buy links, hover-over, hover-under, round stuff, straight stuff. Can’t you just make me something amazing that I’ll love the moment I look at it without any direction whatsoever? Sheesh. What is with you people?
My brief to my designer goes something like this – make it pretty and with green in it. Thanks, Magpie Design Co.
Thing is, these Creatives have some kind of voodoo going on because they actually ARE pulling amazing stuff out of their butts, despite the fact they are working with me. What Deranged Doctor came up with for the cover popped my mind-eyes out of their sockets. It is really good shit. Hell, it’s probably even better than the book.
Nah, just checking to see if you were still awake. But it is bloody good. And the website is going to make me look like a god damn professional. A proper adult-like personage of writerly writerness. Like I know what the hell I’m doing, and that I’m doing it well. Even better, working with these people has got new juices flowing. Not the disgusting kale and watercress puke served in overpriced juice bars, but those unicorn-farts of goodness that are CREATIVE juices. Imagined stuff being made real –
And for that I say to you wonderful, marvellous, incredible, creative masterminds of the visual arts –